To Begin Where I Am

I feel like I want to murder someone. And also I want soft pretzels.

Shot in the arm.

Going to the farmer’s market was EXACTLY what I needed with my heart feeling all bruised after the past week. Friendly, kind hearts? Check. Bountiful fruit and veg? Check. Beautiful, earth goddess-type mama farmers with free hugs and flowers and herbs? Check. Gifts of coffee, a giant bag of green beans, handmade soaps and the last of summer’s tomatoes? Check. My friend Suzanna telling me that she’s been making my recipes for her “aging mindfully” women’s group and said those recipes are now being sent around the world to these ladies’ friends and family members because they’re so darn good? Check. Another farmer mama friend telling me she marvels at my gifts and creative brain and she thinks the way that I’m exploring life and a new business and putting myself out there is so courageous? Check. Also cue big sloppy tears.

I love these people so much. Their warmth and open-hearted love was just the best thing for my soul today.

tonyczech:

Good morning Chattanooga. 


It makes me happy that I totally recognized that spot before I saw the caption. The place I live is pretty.

tonyczech:

Good morning Chattanooga. 

It makes me happy that I totally recognized that spot before I saw the caption. The place I live is pretty.

(via seamsewswell)

Things about my life.

  1. I woke up around 4:30 this morning fretting about some unpleasant things that transpired yesterday evening, and found myself humming “Count Your Blessings” and imagining Bing Crosby singing to me like he did Rosemary Clooney in White Christmas. And then I did count my blessings, and thought of course of my faith, and then of course Braden and then a lot about how much I love being at home and how grateful I am to have a literal safe place to go where I am at ease and things are comfortable and happy and I’m so well loved. 
  2. Life feels less hostile after meeting with my business advisor for lunch. He was very affirming and helped me creatively process some ways to have good boundaries with my business and friends (which has a lot to do with being a safe person for myself since people commonly want to give advice, and there’s not all that much one can do to help that). 
  3. I think I’m going to go get some nice chocolate and settle in for the night with my new book. 
  4. And maybe a bath. 
  5. Also, prayers/good vibes muchly appreciated as I have to have a hard conversation with someone tomorrow about … stuff. And that’s on top of some of the things I knew I was going to have to work through going into this week.

“You wear strength so well, I forget that you have to take it off at the end of the day; still feeling the marks that it leaves on your soul.”

– T.B. LaBerge // Unwritten Letters to You (via cedarmoons)

(Source: tblaberge, via wildhobbitjam)

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”

– Anne Lamott (via undreaming)

(via undreaming)

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”

–  Brené Brown (via ficklechick)

just-yasmeen:

To make me happy:
Make me coffee
Bring me coffee
Be coffee
Coffee

(via oregonhome)

My husband is a babe.

My husband is a babe.

Peace and rest.

This weekend, seeking tranquillity and Sabbath rest has looked like: 

  1. Some light cleaning. Nearly my only personal goal for myself right now is to keep up with the basics: dishes, folding laundry, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming (with B’s involvement, obviously), eating a good meal. I try to go to bed with a clear kitchen counter and having had one thoughtfully prepared, vegetable-rich meal each day. 
  2. B doing the grocery shopping for me.
  3. Coming home from my trip to the cove to rest in bed until I had the energy to take a walk with B. (The interview went fairly well; we’ll see how things progress.)
  4. Walking down to the brewery with the dog to have a couple of pints and chat with friends. 
  5. Quiet walk home and ordering diner food at midnight.
  6. Both of us falling asleep on the couch worn out by the busy weekend, warm nighted walk and full bellies. 
  7. Truly, truly resting and abstaining from work related thoughts and duties and emails today. 
  8. Dreaming about how to convert the spare bedroom into my office/a more functional guest room space. 
  9. Top Gear (the one with Benedict Cumberbatch). 

I take it as a sign of my good mental health that all these little things are getting done more regularly. When I’m not in a good headspace, routine things like unloading the dishwasher or folding towels make me feel like crying. I think I am finally inching my life toward a place where I can function peacefully and consistently, versus trying to force myself to function differently in order to have a kind of life that I think that I should aspire to. 

“The hardest thing in the world is to simplify your life. It’s so easy to make it complex. What’s important is leading an examined life.”

– Yvon Chouinard, 180 Degrees South (via awelltraveledwoman)

(Source: nrodgers92, via awelltraveledwoman)